Friday Futon - Here Comes the Night

Sometimes when I’m out for a casual jog, I tend to sing songs. Out loud. Of course, I can’t sing, but with the help of my new software invention I call 80’s HarmoniZer, even I can sound freakin amazing. If I can do it, then you can do it! It’s easy as 123! By following these 5 simple steps, you too could be on your way to glory! 

Step 1: Get a boom box.
Step 2: Strap it to your chest. (Duct tape works great)
Step 3: Get a microphone.
Step 4: Install 80’s HarmoniZer.
Step 5: Go for a jog.
Step 6: Fight off the ladies. 

I threw Step 6 in there just you know, because we’re bros. Oh, wait. I forgot to tell you what happens between Step 5 and Step 6. You’re obviously going to want others to hear your performance, so it’s best to find a group of joggers to entertain as you simultaneously jog and HarmoniZe. A group of lady joggers usually works best. Once you’ve found your lady joggers, drop in behind at a safe distance, say 5 to 10 yards. Turn on your boom box, crank it to 11. Grab the mic, and start singing these very words:

“Here it comes <air_guitar>chug chug chug chug</airguitar>, here comes the night. Here it comes <air_drums>tom tom tom</air_drums>, here comes the niiiiiiiiight.”

As the ladies speed up out of the overwhelming fear of your awesomeness, you speed up. Trust me, THEY. ARE. LOVING. IT. Don’t worry about how you sound, the 80’s HarmoniZer will make your voice sound like a five piece hair band whose testicles are all caught up in their tight leather chaps - in other words, radical.